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""I see!" said Mrs. Salton. "You are taking no chances.""None, my dear. All I have learned at foreign courts, and amongstcivilised and uncivilised people, is going to be utilised within the nextcouple of hours."Sir Nathaniel's voice was full of seriousness, and it brought to Mimi ina convincing way the awful gravity of the occasion.
When?Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk'segg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad theBrightdayler.Where?Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get hisbreakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the _City Arms_ hotelwhen he used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing hishighness to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordanthat he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthingall for masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was actuallyafraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all herailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and earthquakesand the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help theworld if all the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecksof course nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was pious becauseno man would look at her twice I hope Ill never be like her a wondershe didnt want us to cover our faces but she was a welleducated womancertainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan thereI suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my fur andalways edging to get up under my petticoats especially then still I likethat in him polite to old women like that and waiters and beggars toohes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got anythingreally serious the matter with him its much better for them to go intoa hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring itinto him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thingon the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nunmaybe like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yesbecause theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a womanto get well if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and thatdyinglooking one off the south circular when he sprained his foot atthe choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dressMiss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at thebottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom withher old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her tonever see thy face again though he looked more like a man with his bearda bit grown in the bed father was the same besides I hate bandaging anddosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hedget bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I was sick then wed see whatattention only of course the woman hides it not to give all the troublethey do yes he came somewhere Im sure by his appetite anyway love itsnot or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one of thosenight women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story hemade up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did Imeet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me seethat big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with ayoung girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he slinkedout looking quite conscious what harm but he had the impudence to makeup to me one time well done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes ofall the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a solicitor only forI hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its somelittle bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on thesly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day beforeyesterday he was scribbling something a letter when I came into thefront room to show him Dignams death in the paper as if something toldme and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinkingabout business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinksshe has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his ageespecially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money shecan out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing mybottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it withor knew before that way though Id like to find out so long as I donthave the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut that Marywe had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him badenough to get the smell of those painted women off him once or twiceI had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found thelong hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchenpretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it wasall his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she couldeat at our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in myhouse stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to seeher aunt if you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he hadsomething on with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that hesaid you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond ofoysters but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out tobe alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters Ifound in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a littlebit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her herweeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do out therooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirtI gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt eventouch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar and slovenlike that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place inthe W C too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldntpossibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere and the lasttime he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand agreat squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there steals anotherI just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze backsinging the young May moon shes beaming love because he has an ideaabout him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going tothe Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any caseGod knows hes a change in a way not to be always and ever wearing thesame old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant doit myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone withhim if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make him turnred looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that downon their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hourquestion and answer would you do this that and the other with thecoalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some deanor bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I wasknitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it andso on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraginghim making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who areyou thinking of who is it tell me his name who tell me who the germanEmperor is it yes imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying tomake a whore of me what he never will he ought to give it up now at thisage of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in itpretending to like it till he comes and then finish it off myself anywayand it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all withall the talk of the world about it people make its only the first timeafter that its just the ordinary do it and think no more about it whycant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimeslove to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant helpyourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes thereand kiss me in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down toyour soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I usedto go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he didwhere and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on yourperson my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up wasit where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out andhave done with it what has that got to do with it and did you whateverway he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real fatherwhat did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he hada nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neitherwould he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he knowme in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hednever turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyrelost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alonethem Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell ofincense off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a priest ifyoure married hes too careful about himself then give something to HH the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing Ididnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hallthough I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinkingof his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I init who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind ofdrink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they sticktheir bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking greenand yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with theopera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American thathad the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do tokeep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took theport and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovelyand tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I poppedstraight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to usI thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when Iblessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts inGibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come andtell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushingabout nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit thatevening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it broughtits luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to churchmass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only greymatter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit thelamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big redbrute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever the dickens theycall it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I tookoff all my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing andperfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbarstanding all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen hewas in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone hadone the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a wholesheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in themiddle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats allthey want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I hadto halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk inhim when I made him pull out and do it on me considering how big it isso much the better in case any of it wasnt washed out properly the lasttime I let him finish it in me nice invention they made for women forhim to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch of itthemselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody wouldbelieve cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swingout of your whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a yearas regular as the clock always with a smell of children off her the onethey called budgers or something like a nigger with a shock of hair onit Jesusjack the child is a black the last time I was there a squad ofthem falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your earssupposed to be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out likeelephants or I dont know what supposing I risked having another not offhim though still if he was married Im sure hed have a fine strong childbut I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jollyI suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking aboutme and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatlldo him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scenehe was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsonshousewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on accountof not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standuprow over politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being acarpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive abouteverything I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I knewhe was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he annoyed meso much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixedupthings especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to studyup that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I couldalways hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch himafter that I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because heused to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you goingto and I said over to Floey and he made me the present of Byron's poemsand the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easilyget him to make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got inwith her again and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if herefused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down thecollar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out Ikiss then would send them all spinning however alright well see then lethim go to her she of course would only be too delighted to pretend shesmad in love with him that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her andask her do you love him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt foolme but he might imagine he was and make a declaration to her with hisplabbery kind of a manner like he did to me though I had the devils ownjob to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he couldhold in and wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of askingme too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theressomething I want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I wasin a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I letout too much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to lethim know more than was good for him she used to be always embracing meJosie whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over andwhen I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and didyou wash possible the women are always egging on to that putting it onthick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting onthe indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is whatspoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very handsome atthat time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked though hewas too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engagedafterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits oflaughing with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins fallingout one after another with the mass of hair I had youre always in greathumour she said yes because it grigged her because she knew what itmeant because I used to tell her a good bit of what went on between usnot all but just enough to make her mouth water but that wasnt my faultshe didnt darken the door much after we were married I wonder what shesgot like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had herface beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her shemust have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment shewas edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk about himto run him down what was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used togo to bed with his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him just imaginehaving to get into bed with a thing like that that might murder youany moment what a man well its not the one way everyone goes mad Poldyanyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the mat when he comesin wet or shine and always blacks his own boots too and he always takesoff his hat when he comes up in the street like then and now hes goingabout in his slippers to look for 10000 pounds for a postcard U p upO sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff toextinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now whatcould you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over than marryanother of their sex of course hed never find another woman like me toput up with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes and he knowsthat too at the bottom of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick that poisonedher husband for what I wonder in love with some other man yes it wasfound out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and do a thinglike that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you madand always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry themfor if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get onwithout us white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it Iwonder why they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greekleave us as wise as we were before she must have been madly in love withthe other fellow to run the chance of being hanged O she didnt care ifthat was her nature what could she do besides theyre not brutes enoughto go and hang a woman surely are theytheyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot henoticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B Cwith Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we bothordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with histwo old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it waswhat do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breecheshe made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting allmyself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one Idid I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got aftersome robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish timeslost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to MrsMarion Bloom and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the turningdoor he was looking when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 daysafter in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him because I wascrossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoesthat are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that if I only had aring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for oneand a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still I made him spendonce with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so coldand windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the firewasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on thehearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it was my muddy bootshed like me to walk in all the horses dung I could find but of coursehes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did he say Icould give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does thatmean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress editionjust passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats sopolite I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I wastasting the butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he used tomake fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after Isang Gounods _Ave Maria_ what are we waiting for O my heart kiss mestraight on the brow and part which is my brown part he was pretty hotfor all his tinny voice too my low notes he was always raving about ifyou can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then hesaid wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I dont seeanything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that some day not nowand surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him the very placetoo we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks nothingcan happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till wewere engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did he waslo times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut offmy drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissedme in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questionsis it permitted to enquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him keep itas if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocketof course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seenalways skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with theirskirts blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out withhim at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing rightagainst the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw mefrom behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me howeverstanding at the corner of the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat onhim with the muffler in the Zingari colours to show off his complexionand the brown hat looking slyboots as usual what was he doing therewhere hed no business they can go and get whatever they like fromanything at all with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions butthey want to know where were you where are you going I could feel himcoming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had been keepingaway from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so Ihalfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off myglove slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold forthe rain anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawersthe whole blessed time till I promised to give him the pair off my dollto carry about in his waistcoat pocket _O Maria Santisima_ he did looka big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made mehungry to look at them and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoatI had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneeldown in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his newraincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre sosavage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touchedhis trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring handto keep him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to findout was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they wantto do everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and fatherwaiting all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse inthe butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote methat letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to anywoman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we metasking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw Iwasnt he had a few brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he wasalways breaking or tearing something in the charades I hate an unluckyman and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sakedont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of courseit used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall inGibraltar with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for childrenseeing it too young then writing every morning a letter sometimes twicea day I liked the way he made love then he knew the way to take a womanwhen he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrotethe night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt describe itsimply it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how toembrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on Monday as he said at thesame time four I hate people who come at all hours answer the door youthink its the vegetables then its somebody and you all undressed orthe door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old frostyfaceGoodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just afterdinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at meprofessor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in hisway it was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out youhave to peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I thoughtit was a putoff first him sending the port and the peaches first and Iwas just beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was trying to make afool of me when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he must have beena bit late because it was l/4 after 3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus girlscoming from school I never know the time even that watch he gave menever seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after when I threwthe penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I waswhistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even put on myclean shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to goto Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversarythe 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotelwere beside each other and any fooling went on in the new bed I couldnttell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next room or perhapssome protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the wall then hednever believe the next day we didnt do something its all very well ahusband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never didanything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going wherehe is besides something always happens with him the time going to theMallow concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two ofus then the bell rang out he walks down the platform with the soupsplashing about taking spoonfuls of it hadnt he the nerve and the waiterafter him making a holy show of us screeching and confusion for theengine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two gentlemenin the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was too hes sopigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job he wasable to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd have taken us onto Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him O I love jauntingin a train or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he takea 1st class for me he might want to do it in the train by tipping theguard well O I suppose therell be the usual idiots of men gaping atus with their eyes as stupid as ever they can possibly be that was anexceptional man that common workman that left us alone in the carriagethat day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him l or 2tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicerthen coming back suppose I never came back what would they say elopedwith him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at whereits over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St littlechits of missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her likeon account of father being in the army and my singing the absentmindedbeggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts when I had the map of itall and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it this time I wouldntput it past him like he got me on to sing in the _Stabat Mater_ by goingaround saying he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put him up tothat till the jesuits found out he was a freemason thumping the pianolead Thou me on copied from some old opera yes and he was going aboutwith some of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they call themselvestalking his usual trash and nonsense he says that little man he showedme without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffiths is hewell he doesnt look it thats all I can say still it must have been himhe knew there was a boycott I hate the mention of their politics afterthe war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieutStanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovelyfellow in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure he was bravetoo he said I was lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lockmy Irish beauty he was pale with excitement about going away or wed beseen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I neverfelt they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Pauland the rest of the other old Krugers go and fight it out between theminstead of dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there werewith their fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been sobad I love to see a regiment pass in review the first time I saw theSpanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the bayfrom Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those shambattles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at themarch past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the lancers O thelancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made hismoney over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me anice present up in Belfast after what I gave him theyve lovely linen upthere or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like Ihad before to keep in the drawer with them it would be exciting goinground with him shopping buying those things in a new city better leavethis ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over theknuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers ortell the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go andsmother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money and hesnot a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could findout whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I lookedclose in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expressionbesides scrooching down on me like that all the time with his bighipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat always havingto lie down for them better for him put it into me from behind the wayMrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the dogs do it andstick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mildwith his tingating cither can you ever be up to men the way it takesthem lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and sockswith the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly well off I know bythe cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but he was like a perfectdevil for a few minutes after he came back with the stoppress tearing upthe tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20 quid he said he lostover that outsider that won and half he put on for me on account ofLenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was makingfree with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult overthe featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with hisdirty eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessertwhen I was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have pickedevery morsel of that chicken out of my fingers it was so tastyand browned and as tender as anything only for I didnt want to eateverything on my plate those forks and fishslicers were hallmarkedsilver too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a couple intomy muff when I was playing with them then always hanging out of them formoney in a restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have tobe thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to benoticed the way the world is divided in any case if its going to go on Iwant at least two other good chemises for one thing and but I dont knowwhat kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes andhalf the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God madethem that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt make much secret ofwhat she hadnt yes and the second pair of silkette stockings is ladderedafter one days wear I could have brought them back to Lewers thismorning and kicked up a row and made that one change them only not toupset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the wholething and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap inthe Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I havebut thats no good what did they say they give a delightful figure line11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower back toreduce flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill have to knock off thestout at dinner or am I getting too fond of it the last they sent fromORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his money easy Larry theycall him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and abottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt getanyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth orI must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any goodmight overdo it the thin ones are not so much the fashion now gartersthat much I have the violet pair I wore today thats all he bought meout of the cheque he got on the first O no there was the face lotionI finished the last of yesterday that made my skin like new I told himover and over again get that made up in the same place and dont forgetit God only knows whether he did after all I said to him 111 know bythe bottle anyway if not I suppose 111 only have to wash in my piss likebeeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thoughtit was beginning to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is muchfiner where it peeled off there on my finger after the burn its a pityit isnt all like that and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in allsure you cant get on in this world without style all going in food andrent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell you in fine style I alwayswant to throw a handful of tea into the pot measuring and mincing ifI buy a pair of old brogues itself do you like those new shoes yes howmuch were they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume and the skirt andjacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cuttingup this old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you andwomen try to walk on you because they know youve no man then with allthe things getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I have of lifeup to 35 no Im what am I at all 111 be 33 in September will I what Owell look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her whenI was out last week her beautys on the wane she was a lovely womanmagnificent head of hair on her down to her waist tossing it back likethat like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morningto look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of itpity I only got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtrythe jersey lily the prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes likethe first man going the roads only for the name of a king theyre allmade the one way only a black mans Id like to try a beauty up to whatwas she 45 there was some funny story about the jealous old husband whatwas it at all and an oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kindof a tin thing round her and the prince of Wales yes he had the oysterknife cant be true a thing like that like some of those books he bringsme the works of Master Francois Somebody supposed to be a priest abouta child born out of her ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word forany priest to write and her a--e as if any fool wouldnt know what thatmeant I hate that pretending of all things with that old blackguardsface on him anybody can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrantshe brought me that twice I remember when I came to page 5 o the partabout where she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord flagellatesure theres nothing for a woman in that all invention made up about hedrinking the champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over likethe infant Jesus in the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins armssure no woman could have a child that big taken out of her and I thoughtfirst it came out of her side because how could she go to the chamberwhen she wanted to and she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R Hhe was in Gibraltar the year I was born I bet he found lilies there toowhere he planted the tree he planted more than that in his time he mighthave planted me too if hed come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here asI am he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillingshe knocks out of it and go into an office or something where hed getregular pay or a bank where they could put him up on a throne to countthe money all the day of course he prefers plottering about the houseso you cant stir with him any side whats your programme today I wish hedeven smoke a pipe like father to get the smell of a man or pretendingto be mooching about for advertisements when he could have been in MrCuffes still only for what he did then sending me to try and patch it upI could have got him promoted there to be the manager he gave me a greatmirada once or twice first he was as stiff as the mischief really andtruly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old rubbishy dressthat I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but theyrecoming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it wasno good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Bumsas I said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale alot of trash I hate those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills mealtogether only he thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress andcooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it ifI went by his advices every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yestake that thats alright the one like a weddingcake standing up milesoff my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming down on mybackside on pins and needles about the shopgirl in that place in Graftonstreet I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent asever she could be with her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you toomuch trouble what shes there for but I stared it out of her yes he wasawfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second time he lookedPoldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see him looking veryhard at my chest when he stood up to open the door for me it was nice ofhim to show me out in any case Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe mewithout making it too marked the first time after him being insulted andme being supposed to be his wife I just half smiled I know my chest wasout that way at the door when he said Im extremely sorry and Im sure youwereyes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long hemade me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhowstiff the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep that upand Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for himwhat are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2 the samein case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up therelike those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide it withher hand are they so beautiful of course compared with what a man lookslike with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down out ofhim or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with acabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market orthat other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the statueof the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was pissingstanding out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one side theQueens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved themtheyre always trying to show it to you every time nearly I passedoutside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just totry some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was I of the7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the nightcoming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonadeto make you feel nice and watery I went into r of them it was so bitingcold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it wasa few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to seeme squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture ofit before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre notafraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of something there thewoman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for apicture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost thejob in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffeepalace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes onlyshes younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photohe has nymphs used they go about like that I asked him about her andthat word met something with hoses in it and he came out with somejawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simplythe way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out ofthe pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of histeeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out arentthey fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with Millyenough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got apound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicatelooking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearlycaught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel tomy face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till hegot doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get himto suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker thancows then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond everything Ideclare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only could rememberthe I half of the things and write a book out of it the works of MasterPoldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an hour he was at themIm sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me theywant everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of awoman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he washere or somebody to let myself go with and come again like that I feelall fire inside me or if I could dream it when he made me spend the 2ndtime tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about 5 minuteswith my legs round him I had to hug him after O Lord I wanted to shoutout all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all only not to lookugly or those lines from the strain who knows the way hed take it youwant to feel your way with a man theyre not all like him thank God someof them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the contrast he doesit and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit loosefrom the tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the savagebrute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant waittill Mondayfrseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engineshave in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out ofthem all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor menthat have to be out all the night from their wives and families in thoseroasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half ofthose old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying abouthes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in the W C 111get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there forthe next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres lastJanuarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hallmaking the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and refreshingjust after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get like Gibraltarmy goodness the heat there before the levanter came on black as nightand the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant comparedwith their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with the red sentrieshere and there the poplars and they all whitehot and the smell of therainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering down onyou faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me fromthe B Marche paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote on itshe was very nice whats this her other name was just a p c to tell you Isent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a veryclean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anythingto be back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid Conconeis the name of those exercises he bought me one of those new some wordI couldnt make out shawls amusing things but tear for the least thingstill there lovely I think dont you will always think of the lovely teaswe had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adorewell now dearest Doggerina be sure and write soon kind she left outregards to your father also captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester xx x x x she didnt look a bit married just like a girl he was years olderthan her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held down the wirewith his foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La Linea whenthat matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have to wearwhoever invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney hill then forexample at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing inthem in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I was afraid whenthat other ferocious old Bull began to charge the banderilleros withthe sashes and the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of men shoutingbravo toro sure the women were as bad in their nice white mantillasripping all the whole insides out of those poor horses I never heard ofsuch a thing in all my life yes he used to break his heart at me takingoff the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it sick what becameof them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like allthrough a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of course I hadeverything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hairmine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle it at the backwhen I put it up and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread withthe one hand we were like cousins what age was I then the night of thestorm I slept in her bed she had her arms round me then we were fightingin the morning with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever hegot an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was withfather and captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at thewindows then down and our eyes met I felt something go through me likeall needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I lookedat myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he wasattractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligentlooking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas inthe shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and theexcitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have beennice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave methe Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins EastLynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar bythat other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as hesee I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave meby Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a Mollyin them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whorealways shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of itO this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one decentnightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and hisfooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shiftdrenched with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chairwhen I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofacushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons of them at nightand the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago it seemscenturies of course they never came back and she didnt put her addressright on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were alwaysgoing away and we never I remember that day with the waves and theboats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those Officersuniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything he wasvery serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowingshe kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or nearit my lips were taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrapof some special kind of blue colour on her for the voyage made verypeculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it got as dullas the devil after they went I was almost planning to run away mad outof it somewhere were never easy where we are father or aunt or marriagewaiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeedhis flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over the shopespecially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in alldirections if you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grantwhoever he was or did supposed to be some great fellow landed off theship and old Sprague the consul that was there from before the flooddressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son then the same oldbugles for reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunatepoor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the placemore than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levitesassembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines andthe warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes andonly captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna andsir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes forthem everytime they went out drunken old devil with his grog on thewindowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his nose trying to thinkof some other dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgothimself when I was there sending me out of the room on some blind excusepaying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but heddo the same to the next woman that came along I suppose he died ofgalloping drink ages ago the days like years not a letter from a livingsoul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them sobored sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to that old Arabwith the one eye and his heass of an instrument singing his heah heahaheah all my compriments on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as nowwith the hands hanging off me looking out of the window if there was anice fellow even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street thenurse was after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window to showI was going out not a notion what I meant arent they thick neverunderstand what you say even youd want to print it up on a big posterfor them not even if you shake hands twice with the left he didntrecognise me either when I half frowned at him outside Westland rowchapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to knowgrey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask me those countrygougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less thanthe bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell thatnoisy bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of hishat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any brokenbottles for a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except hischeques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they sent himaddressed dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly thismorning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter fromO Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to write from Canada after so manyyears to know the recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon sinceshe wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if Im tobelieve all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her father was anawfully nice man he was near seventy always goodhumoured well now MissTweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was a solid silvercoffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so faraway I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybodyhas their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acuteneumonia well I didnt know her so well as all that she was Floeys friendmore than mine poor Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tellsme the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your sadbereavement symphathy I always make that mistake and newphew with 2double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if itsa thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebodyto give me what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve nochances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebodywould write me a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could writewhat he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly womenbelieve love is sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose theredbe some truth in it true or no it fills up your whole day and lifealways something to think about every moment and see it all round youlike a new world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine meshort just a few words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon usedto write to the fellow that was something in the four courts that jiltedher after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a fewsimple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipat precipitancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to agentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else itsall very fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre oldthey might as well throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit.
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